How to speak to children about their anxiety and overwhelming feelings
With droughts, bushfires and the COVID-19 pandemic, 2020 has not been short of challenges. All the uncertainty of 2020 has added another source of worry for many people, and especially children.
Many students’ school life has been disrupted and their social lives have changed. Children may be finding it more difficult than usual when it comes to navigating these intense thoughts and feelings.
It’s important to communicate regularly with your child about their worries and concerns, especially if your child is showing signs of anxiety.
When you’re speaking to your child about anxiety, the goal is to encourage your child to talk about their worries and fears.
Sometimes, kids don’t really understand what they’re going through, so as a parent you want to help them learn about different types of challenging emotions, recognise the signs of anxiety and help them to manage their worries.
Here are eight strategies to keep in mind to help when talking to your child about anxiety.
1. Don’t avoid speaking about certain topics just because they make your child anxious.
While your child might not want to discuss their anxieties with you at first, you should encourage your child to open up about their worries and fears. It’s important to understand how your child feels so that you can provide the best support, rather than telling them how they should feel.
When speaking with your kids about anxiety, you could start by speaking about your observations, perhaps by describing a recent situation in which you noticed your child showing signs of anxiety and ask how they felt in that moment and afterwards.
Avoiding conversations about anxiety may send your child the wrong message – that it isn’t okay to talk about your feelings or worries as if they’re something to be ashamed of.
2. Acknowledge that your child’s worries or fears are real.
If your child shares worries with you, try to respect your child’s feelings by listening and showing empathy - rather than jumping to solve them or soothe them. Let them know that you understand how they’re feeling and that you’re there to help them get through these difficulties.
Make sure you don’t trivialise or belittle your child’s feelings, which may happen sometimes when parents inadvertently use a dismissive tone or simply assert that the worries will go away soon.
At the same time, don’t reinforce your child’s fears by agreeing with their worries, because the next time they find themselves in the same situation, they may feel as if they should be worried.
3. Avoid asking leading questions that may amplify your child’s feelings.
When encouraging your child to open up about their feelings, ask open-ended questions rather than yes/no questions. For example, rather than asking your child if they’re worried or scared about their class presentation, ask how they’re feeling about their class presentation instead.
Here’s some other helpful questions to help your child express their anxieties:
Can you draw your feelings?
If your feeling was an animal or monster, what would it look like?
If your feeling was a colour, what would it be?
Where do you feel it in your body? How big?
4. Be positive yet realistic.
You can’t always promise your child that they’ll be able to answer all the questions on a test, or that they won’t come across any spiders – these are often out of your child’s control. Instead, give your child confidence that they are capable of managing their anxieties and that they will be okay.
Gheorg’s founder and psychologist of 30 years, Dr Louise Metcalf always encourages people to:
“Focus on what you can do, and not what you can’t do.”
5. Let them know that they aren’t alone in their worries.
Sometimes, children don’t realise that they aren’t the only ones with certain worries and fears. They can be overwhelmed thinking they’re the only one experiencing these big worries and feelings.
Let your child know that other kids and even adults can feel anxious or worried. Opening up this conversation, and explaining that everyone feels anxious at different times, can help ease the feelings of shame and embarrassment that your child might feel about their anxieties.
To help them feel at ease, you could share some of the things you were worried or scared about when you were the same age, and how you got over those worries.
6. Speak to your child about symptoms of anxiety and how to manage them.
Help your child understand their feelings by going through the physical feelings, thoughts, emotions and behaviours that can occur as a result of their anxieties.
Give your child some strategies on managing their feelings, such as taking deep breaths if they start to feel their heart racing.
It’s helpful for children to know what tools they have to help them feel better, and sometimes just need to be reminded to use those tools.
7. Go through possible scenarios and responses with your child.
Having a plan can help both adults and children cope with their worries in the face of uncertainty. If a worrying situation is approaching and you know your child is worried about it, explore possible scenarios and outcomes with them to demystify the unknowns.
For example, a child with separation anxiety might worry about the possibility that their parent isn’t there after school to pick them up. Discuss with your child what they would do in this situation – they would tell the teacher, who would then ensure your child isn’t left to wait alone. Reassure your child that if this situation occurs, you’re probably just running a little late, you haven’t forgotten about them and you will be with them as soon as you can.
8. Let your child know that it is good to seek help.
Let your child know that you’re there to support them and that it’s okay for them to be open and honest with their worries. Encourage your child to let their teacher know if they’re feeling uncomfortable or anxious at school.
How Gheorg supports kids with anxiety
Our friendly robot Gheorg encourages children to check-in daily and share their emotions (both the good and the bad), helping kids take the first step towards opening up about their feelings.
Learn about how Gheorg works here or download the app to trial for free via the Apple App Store or Google Play Store.